I've almost made it to 61 without ever being told to "go back where I came from," a circumstance I attribute to my Norwegian heritage. For whatever reason, we Norwegians look like real Americans, especially compared to Latinas born in the Bronx and black girls from Cincinnati. It's a mystery, like the Holy Trinity. The only thing that's for sure is that it's got nothing to do with race. President Trump seems attracted to my ancestors' homeland, and has wondered aloud why more Norwegians don't want to emigrate. This is another mystery, since on the surface the policies pursued by the Norwegian government qualify it for socialist shithole-hood. From SGI (Sustainable Governance Indicators) ratings:
With a wide-ranging social safety net, Norway takes the SGI 2018's top rank (rank 1) with regard to social policies. . . .
Like the other Scandinavian countries, the Norwegian government spends a comparatively significant share of its budget on public education. The emphasis of the primarily public school system is on free access and ensuring equal opportunities. . . .
Like other Scandinavian countries, Norway is a relatively equitable society. Poverty rates are among the lowest in the world. The Norwegian government has assumed responsibility for supporting the standard of living of disadvantaged and vulnerable groups. As a result, expenditures for social policy are well above the EU average. Government-provided social insurance is strong in almost all areas. Family-support expenditures exceed 3% of GDP, in the form of child allowances, paid-leave arrangements and child care. . . .
Norway has an extensive health care system, providing high-quality services to its resident community for free. Health care for mothers and children is especially good. . . . Infant mortality is the sixth-lowest in the world. . . . The country's total health care expenditures total about 12% of GDP. . . . The public share of this expenditure in Norway is also high, with the government financing 84% of health care spending.
[T]he number of homicides per capita is the third-lowest in the world, and incarceration rates are also small. . . . The police continue to be predominantly unarmed. Prison sentences are relatively mild, and Norway has relied instead on long-term crime-prevention policies.
It's different, though, if a swarthy Muslim woman representing Detroit starts talking crazily like this. High infant mortality is American as apple pie! Go back to where you came from!
If told to go back where I came from, I've almost persuaded myself to do it. A couple weeks ago, I got used to cheering against Swedish soccer players, so I've got that part already. Horrible as it sounds, maybe I could adjust to the socialism, too. I'd miss tacquerias and the Twins, but not our president. When the Norwegian prime minister visited him, she reminded me of all my mom's aunts in their prime, stout and smiling, heaping more mashed potatoes on my plate. Much prefer her.
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