If you have coronavirus symptoms, you can still only be tested if you've been exposed to someone who's tested positive, which is unlikely, because then the person to whom you were exposed would have to have qualified for testing, and probably they didn't, for the same reason you don't now. It's an infinite regress that reminds me of the first-cause argument for the existence of God, only in this case you are reasoning backwards in the chain not to the first cause, God, but rather to someone like an NBA player, a class of humanity to whom the Catch-22 logic doesn't apply. A solution, however, does come into view. You could cough in the face of an NBA player, then wait to see whether he tests positive.
Kelly Loeffler would also work, but it'd probably be easier to get within coughing range of a basketball star. Loeffler is the junior US senator from Georgia, a right-wing Republican who, in the days following a closed briefing of senators on the coronavirus threat, sold stock worth well into 7 figures in 27 different companies. The first sale was on January 24, the same day as the briefing. Most of the stocks she dumped have subsequently lost more than a third of their value. She did make at least one new purchase. She bought more than $100,000 worth of stock in Citrix, a company that develops applications for telecommuting. Pro move by Sen. Loeffler, since suddenly everyone is working from home! I'm not a federal prosecutor, but maybe her cell phone records for the first fifteen minutes after the conclusion of the briefing would tell an incriminating tale? She doesn't appear to have taken pains to cover her trail. Her colleague, Richard Burr, Republican from North Carolina, made some similarly savvy moves in the days after the briefing. A spokesperson for Burr explained that his stock sales were all above board because they occurred before the onset of "market volatility." I guess the senator thinks it would be more suspicious if he had sold the stocks after the "volatility" had sunk their value?
Sweet Jesus, in addition to being corrupt, these pols are dumb as firewood.
They have to fill out these disclosure forms divulging stock transactions each month. Did they think no one would notice? It was the first time Loeffler had sold stock since she was in the Senate. Suddenly had an itch to sell off her shares in 27 companies! Must have been an informative briefing, but the people she represents in Georgia could only hear the president declaring that he had the pandemic completely under control, while their newest senator tweeted:
Concerned about #coronavirus? Remember this:
— Senator Kelly Loeffler (@SenatorLoeffler) March 10, 2020
The consumer is strong, the economy is strong, & jobs are growing, which puts us in the best economic position to tackle #COVID19 & keep Americans safe.
Update following meeting with @realdonaldtrump, @VP, & @StevenMnuchin1: pic.twitter.com/H9t2D6x19k
That was March 10. The alarming briefing had been more than a month ago, and she'd already unloaded her stock. She knew the economic outlook was dim.
Loeffler is the richest senator. Her husband, Jeff Sprecher, is chairman of the New York Stock Exchange. Their net worth is reported to be around a half billion dollars (that is, $500 million). It seems that, for her, a few million to avoid some bad press would have been a bargain. She could have done the right thing for the wrong reason and no one would have known. Hell, she's planning on spending $20 million of her own money this summer and fall to defend her seat. Now maybe it'll require $25 million. Taking a low 7-figure hit to her stock portfolio would have been a good investment. But probably grifting is such a long habit that by now it's reflexive. Too venal to think straight.
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