I once saw a stand-up comic do a bit about ripostes to bumper stickers he'd seen. Part—probably the biggest part—of what made it funny was his droll, deadpan manner. The only example I can remember now was
If you're rich, I'm single
to which he retorted
If you're single, I can see why.
Maybe the joke was on him, inasmuch as it appears to require the audience to agree that the universe is just, people are decent, and gold-digging never works. He had to be local, not a famous A-lister, else I would never have been at his act. For some reason I remember, or think I "remember," that he quit comedy in order to go into furniture making. The 8-to-5 with a 401K was not for him.
I think I thought of this fellow this morning for the first time in around 30 years either because
a) I could use some new dining room chairs; or
b) I was watching a news segment today about some of our president's tweets from yesterday and this morning, and it occurred to me that they possess an ineffable quality of trashy throwaway shallowness—the same kind of empty and incriminating cultural artifacts that the comedian was endeavoring to lampoon.
I think someone clever could create a Twitter account devoted only to replying with zingers to Trump's moronic tweets. Here's the sort of thing I'm talking about:
The restaurant business is being absolutely decimated. Congress should step up and help. Time is of the essence!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 27, 2020
I said "ineffable" because it's kind of a challenge to describe what's wrong. It's just "off," but I'll try to put into words the "offness":
1. The President of the United States as perplexed, innocent bystander.
2. What has befallen the author of Art of the Deal?
3. "Time is of the essence": such a shopworn expression that it doesn't even come up to the level of a cliche.
4. You can try to perk up a tired expression with an exclamation point, but it won't change the fact that the restaurant business has been getting "decimated" for months, you're tweeting about it now, and the conclusion to your tardy tweet is, "Time is of the essence!"
Here's another, from this morning:
Rudy Giuliani will be on Greg Kelly Reports. 7:15 P.M. @newsmax
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 28, 2020
Newsmax: when you're too full of shit for Fox.
One more:
The 1,126,940 votes were created out of thin air. I won Pennsylvania by a lot, perhaps more than anyone will ever know. The Pennsylvania votes were RIGGED. All other swing states also. The world is watching! https://t.co/zmnk34Ny23
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 28, 2020
This one exhibits a layered idiocy that resists the one-line, smart-ass response. Trump retweets, appending his comment, the outrageous allegation of one of his fanboys in the Pennsylvania state legislature. Does he believe the allegation is true? Then it would actually be evidence of the kind of "irregularity" that his team of legal bumblers keeps getting thrown out of court for not possessing. A person of normal adult sophistication, though not Trump, would conclude the allegation is false, since if it were true the president's lawyers would be talking about it in court, and they're not.
Of course the allegation isn't true. The details, though, are sort of fun. The figures for ballots mailed out (1,823,148) and ballots returned (1,462,302) are from Pennsylvania's presidential primary last June 2. The number of actual mail votes (2,589,242) is from the general election a couple of weeks ago. The dope in the legislature is saying there was fraud because the number of mail ballots cast in the general election exceeds the number that were mailed out for a different election! Then the dope in the White House retweets the dope in the legislature, adding, for good measure, that the laughable error, or artless lie, whichever it is, proves he won Pennsylvania—"by a lot, perhaps more than anyone will ever know."
I mean, I'm not shocked that the president should be a scoundrel, but to my surprise I'm offended that his low character and dim intellect are so easy to perceive. As president, his villainy should be hidden and sinister, to honor his high office.
Comments